Trick or treat?

For Halloween this year, let's pretend.


I'll pretend that I'm not trying to stay afloat. That my dreams are aligned with the steps I take when I am awake. That I am not in love with trails of written words from an insomniac seeking refuge from bitter nights.

We're all so good at covering ourselves. Layer by layer we are swathed in paper-mache shells that crumble to the touch; a frail armour in which our beliefs are skilfully hemmed into.

So between the costumed comic and the person who wears her smile like haggard shoes, can you spot the bigger fool?

Collective Soul

Collective Soul - Shine (Cover)

If you were born in the 90s you'd probably know this jam. My dad & I used to sing along to this song in his car. I miss him.

Kehilangan.

Being lonely is frustrating. It’s one of those things you can’t talk about because you don’t want to seem fragile. Nobody wants to look desperate so we start believing in these idealistic half-truths about how we’re all better off without that extra hand to hold.

Suddenly time is your best friend and every single night there’s this ringing silence that you can’t get rid of.

What’s wrong with wanting a sense of fulfillment you know you can’t get anywhere else? Why can’t I just say that I want to feel loved?

Miike Snow - Animal (Cover)

                                            

Covered this on a whim. I couldn't get the lyrics out of my head.

We are beasts roaming in jungles of glass & concrete.

Sugar, sugar.

Yesterday night while we were (joyfully) drenched from the sudden midnight shower, a friend grabbed my damp shoulders, looked me straight in the eye and thoughtlessly screamed out one word: Life.

Right then & there, I swear I could hear the clickety clack of my mind over the deafening live music and frenzied cries of adoration. That was what my whole body had been trying to tell me all night. The heat in my eyes which I had hastily brushed off as product of fatigue. The funny way my heart went wham & bam along with the booming drums like it had something to prove. How my legs kept twitching about like they were separated from my upper body. The way my hands begged my brain to seize the hand of the nearest festival-goer so that I could feel their fingers pulsing with the same adrenaline that flooded the underside of my sweat-stained flesh.

It was a moment of infallible certainty. I felt alive. Not just the breathing in & out, routine part of life that I was wholly accustomed to; far from it. I felt life's underbelly, it's mystical cousin twice removed, the width & breadth of life's infinite spectrum; with my rain-soaked hair (also one of the best feelings in the world, but we'll get back to that later) and my clothes sticking to me like second skin, I felt it.

And from now on, I'll always have a permanent itch to feel that way again.

We are made One with what we Touch & See

And we two lovers shall not sit afar,
Critics of nature, but the joyous sea
Shall be our raiment, and the bearded star
Shoot arrows at our pleasure! We shall be
Part of the mighty universal whole,
And through all Aeons mix and mingle with the Kosmic Soul!

We shall be notes in that great Symphony
Whose cadence circles through the rhythmic spheres,
And all the live World's throbbing heart shall be
One with our heart, the stealthy creeping years
Have lost their terrors now, we shall not die,
The Universe itself shall be our Immortality!

-Oscar Wilde